Follow Your Gut

Follow Your Gut

Chuck Hagel, the U.S. Secretary of Defense was interviewed by a reporter and asked if the U.S. military was “overreacting” by putting missile interceptors in the Pacific in response to North Korea’s threats of a nuclear strike. He explained that the U.S. military must take defensive action based on probable threats because “When it comes to nuclear threats, you only have to be wrong once.” 

Don’t Wait, Act Now

So, what does this have to do with sexual assault and family violence? The common theme is that we cannot afford to wait until we know “for sure” that we are in danger before taking action to protect ourselves - because by then it will be too late.

Trust Your Gut

Often times we have a gut feeling that something is a bad idea, that something is wrong or about to go wrong, but because we don’t know for sure, we ignore our gut feeling, proceed anyway, and regret it later. 

Recognize Manipulation

This is not to say that victims of sexual assault and family violence should be blamed because they “should have known” that something bad was going to happen. However, most acts of sexual, physical, and emotional abuse start with small things that we somehow feel are wrong, but we don’t know for sure. To complicate matters, abusers may tell us that there is nothing wrong with their behavior and that we are “crazy”, “silly” or “oversensitive” for feeling the way that we do. When we try to put up boundaries, they may respond with “I was just joking”,  “Don’t get defensive”, or some other response that minimizes our feelings and tells us we are over-reacting. So, we become manipulated into ignoring our gut and letting our guard down.

Much like the U.S. military we need to be vigilant at all times and set up healthy boundaries at the first sign of a potential threat. By the time we know “for sure” that we are being sexually, physically, or emotionally abused” the damage has been done.

So, what does it mean to follow your gut?

Dr. Valli Kanuha from the University of Hawaii demonstrated this at one of the Coalition’s recent conferences: Put one hand on your chest and the other hand on your belly button. Our most important decisions should be made from the area between your two hands. What does your heart tell you? What does your gut tell you? When we make safety decisions above the neck, our mind often rationalizes, telling our heart and gut to be quiet and let the mind do the thinking. Decisions made from below the waste are even more confusing when hormones take over!

So when you get the “gut” feeling that you are being abused, manipulated, or taken advantage of in some way, say “NO,”  get away, or put up some boundaries. Your gut is probably right!

Blog Post Written by: Rosemarie B. Camacho, MA, IMFT, ICADC

Rosemarie B. Camacho is a Individual, Marriage, and Family Therapist and Certified Substance Abuse Treatment Counselor III who specializes in sexual assault recovery, family violence, substance abuse, depression, and anxiety.  She currently serves as the President of the Association of Individual, Marriage and Family Therapists. You may learn more about Rosemarie's professional training and experience at http://www.linkedin.com/in/rosemariecamacho